On Golden Fondle
Mikayla Mendez, Codi Milo
We have a creative crowd locked firmly onto the eclectic category around here — not to mention one who lovingly labors over alliteration (well, and Mikayla Mendez). Most of you probably pay no attention to the “book” and “streaming” lists kept current on the free side of risque.com, but if you did, you’d know that this group loves everything from Hart of Dixie to Gotham, from Santa Clarita Diet to Superstore. Of course everybody loves The Princess Bride, because otherwise you can’t work here, a point made abundantly clear in the job screening process. (There may even be a couple of veiled references to the movie in the initial written submission part of the process. Seems like there at least used to be a “Define R.O.U.S.” question, but it has been a few years, so maybe that has just become office lore.)
It should not surprise you overly, therefore, that when some editor saw the raw footage of this particular Reel Risqué adventure, his brain somehow leaped onto a reference to an early 1980’s movie. (See? This is why there should be an upper age limit for editors, after which they have to move to something more befitting their life experiences, like Head Librarian at the local Community College or something. … Do they still have libraries in colleges? They must. Right?)
At any rate, On Golden Pond stars one of the most famous father/daughter combos in Hollywood movie history, along with arguably the best “Grande Dame” of any era — well, until Beyoncé, but we keep acting and music separate, because otherwise it gets too confusing. Regardless, these vastly superior in their field thespians tell the deceptively simple story of a vacation in New England and trying to repair a long-dysfunctional familial relationship. It won Academy Awards for Actor, Actress, and Writing along with a bunch of Golden Globe and Writers Guild honors.
Our self-titled On Golden Fondle on the other hand, stars the insanely hot, but probably not quite golden statue level in the acting department Mikayla Mendez, along with the contrasting blonde — equal in both the hot and acting aspects — Codi Milo. We have no idea if they are on vacation. We certainly see no indication that any drama currently invades either psyche, either familial or otherwise. And other than looking “golden” in this visual interpretation, we cannot even tell their location geographically. This short movie won no Academy Awards.
Now that said, many of us really would not want to see Katharine Hepburn and Jane Fonda — at least as they were in 1981 — in any sort of a graphic lesbian exploration either, fun dildoes or not. Consequently, on some levels Mikayla and Codi win big.
Yes, we realize that some people might be fascinated by such a Hollywood coupling; we know it takes all types to make a world. For some reason a whole bunch of people really loved The Office and Parks and Recreation too, and we honestly couldn’t understand that any better than granny porn. For our part, we simply embrace the diversity, and mutter “there but for the grace of God” a lot.
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.Katharine Hepburn
However you decide to proceed at this point, whether before, during, or after watching today’s feature, we would offer some simple advice: Do as you wish and have fun storming the castle.